Well, I kind of agree that you can only go so far on your own when learning a language. I think eventually you get to a point where you need help from someone who teaches it and is fluent. I feel your frustration about questioning your purpose. I think it's normal. I don't think we can just focus on one thing in life because you're always going to be thinking about one thing while doing another. Especially when you get so focused and realize that everyone else is doing the typical things that are expected at a certain age. I guess it all boils down to what you want; what makes you feel happy and fulfilled.