I don't know, what you describe is something I have seen happen to many people around me, and to myself. I know few people who work at what they've studied, or something related. I truly think you need to talk to people in person, people who speak your language, maybe someone professional, who could counsel you, or at least listen to you properly for as many times as it takes (I bored my family about my own identity and future-related worries, but it did help -- now, find people who at least listen, not just anyone or you'll end up more frustrated).
You seem convinced that you should find answers on your own, but that seldom happens. To me life is like an old graphic adventure game: by moving around you trigger events, make decisions, get things, lose things, and make progress towards goals, known and new.
My advice, based on personal experience: 1. Get out of Japan, even if it just for those two Christmas weeks you have booked. 2. Talk to people IN PERSON: your family (your brother again, too, but in person), your friends (those who listen), someone professional if need be. 3. Add the new perspectives to your daily life when you return to Japan. 4. Change something, even small things, for a while until you change your life into some direction you feel at least comfortable with.
That's all I can think of. But please, do not believe for a second that one day you are going to wake up and by sheer willpower you'll make a life-changing decision. You are bound to make mistakes in some decisions you'll make from now on, but remember: as long as you are not chained to a mortgage or children, you'll be able to change your life drastically more than once yet. That too is important to take into account!
And knowing what you definitely, gut-sure do not want, at least, is a good thing as well. : )
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You seem convinced that you should find answers on your own, but that seldom happens. To me life is like an old graphic adventure game: by moving around you trigger events, make decisions, get things, lose things, and make progress towards goals, known and new.
My advice, based on personal experience:
1. Get out of Japan, even if it just for those two Christmas weeks you have booked.
2. Talk to people IN PERSON: your family (your brother again, too, but in person), your friends (those who listen), someone professional if need be.
3. Add the new perspectives to your daily life when you return to Japan.
4. Change something, even small things, for a while until you change your life into some direction you feel at least comfortable with.
That's all I can think of. But please, do not believe for a second that one day you are going to wake up and by sheer willpower you'll make a life-changing decision. You are bound to make mistakes in some decisions you'll make from now on, but remember: as long as you are not chained to a mortgage or children, you'll be able to change your life drastically more than once yet. That too is important to take into account!
And knowing what you definitely, gut-sure do not want, at least, is a good thing as well. : )