[Life]: How To Deal With An Identity Crisis?!

[chochajin]

Hey!~

So, it's set. I've booked a flight to Germany for this winter vacation. I'll stay there for 2 weeks.
I haven't been home for Christmas for about 7 years or so now. Will be weird, I guess.
But it's a necessary step in order to find out what I really want.


The thing is that it's not as simple as: Stay in Japan or not?!
The real problem is that I have no idea what I want on almost each and every level in my life.

• I don't know where I want to live in the future.


• I don't know what kind of job I want to do.


• I don't know if I want to have children or not.

I just have no idea what I want for my future - other than being happy and healthy.

I think it's an identity crisis or whatever you want to call it. I don't think it's a midlife crisis, because I don't think it has to do with my age - other than the "baby question" where my biological clock is ticking louder and louder.

I still have no idea how to get out of this crisis.


I'm really afraid of any future job prospects. To be honest, what I've studied at university is nothing useful at all.
I haven't LEARNED anything that I can actually put to USE!
At first I studied to become a teacher for English and German (Realschullehramt), but after a few semesters I knew it's not what I want to do for the rest of my life.
Even back then I didn't know what I wanted to do with my life, I just knew what I didn't want to do.
I started again from zero and studied educational science (Diplom-Pädagogik) instead, focusing on adults.
My hope was that I could get into a company and work there in the Human Resources Department or coach new office workers or whatever. All the other options for people like me sounded HORRIBLE and I've already done internships in those fields and found them frustrating, e.g. dealing with migrant juveniles who can't speak German well and don't care about studying at all.
Others work with drug addicts, deal with domestic violence or got into marriage counseling.
NONE OF THESE are for me AT ALL!!!!

Now, you might wonder why I studied educational science then, but at that time I just didn't know what else to do and I really enjoyed the topics I got to study (sociology, psychology etc.).
HOWEVER, all of the things I learned are not useful. There is no money in that!
Seems like I've been in an identity crisis ever since I was out of school, huh? ....

If I were to go back to Germany (or Europe), I need to be super lucky to find a job that will take me from the spot although I don't have the necessary qualifications.
I will NOT work in the jobs that are meant for people with my degree. Although in recent years people say we have to be "Quereinsteiger" (career changer) anyways.



Hell, I even learned about "identity crisis" in my field of study, but I'm quite sure that it's not normal in your 30s! :( .....

I know that nobody here can help me, but I fear I can't help myself either.
It's just a very frustrating situation. Not a new situation at all, but it's getting worse and worse the longer it takes for me to figure things out.


I'm all for living in the moment and not thinking too much about the future. After all we never know if that future is coming or not.
But I also think it's wrong to keep living the exact same way that I've been the past few years - without thinking about the future at all ...

Comments

[kurikuribebi]

I relate to this post cause Im kind of going through the same thing right now, feeling pressed to figure out what the heck I'm gonna do with myself. My advice is wait until you take that vacation to make any decisions. I feel like this isn't something you can decide when you're there.

[nighstar.livejournal.com]

...i so totally feel you, and i wish i could help. i hope that the two weeks back home will at least be enjoyable, if not bring something to light.

i'm already in a similar situation to yours, but i'm sure that i will pretty much be in the exact same situation given a couple of years. my only hope now is that i can save up lots of money as you have done to help keep me on my feet while i figure things out...

i know that ideally you would like to leave Japan (whether now or later) with some sort of plan or idea for the future in place. my hope is that you will at least be able to find something small to latch onto in order to pull yourself through the rest of the way.

wishing you the best. :/

[leviosa8.livejournal.com]

I don't know, what you describe is something I have seen happen to many people around me, and to myself. I know few people who work at what they've studied, or something related. I truly think you need to talk to people in person, people who speak your language, maybe someone professional, who could counsel you, or at least listen to you properly for as many times as it takes (I bored my family about my own identity and future-related worries, but it did help -- now, find people who at least listen, not just anyone or you'll end up more frustrated).

You seem convinced that you should find answers on your own, but that seldom happens. To me life is like an old graphic adventure game: by moving around you trigger events, make decisions, get things, lose things, and make progress towards goals, known and new.

My advice, based on personal experience:
1. Get out of Japan, even if it just for those two Christmas weeks you have booked.
2. Talk to people IN PERSON: your family (your brother again, too, but in person), your friends (those who listen), someone professional if need be.
3. Add the new perspectives to your daily life when you return to Japan.
4. Change something, even small things, for a while until you change your life into some direction you feel at least comfortable with.

That's all I can think of. But please, do not believe for a second that one day you are going to wake up and by sheer willpower you'll make a life-changing decision. You are bound to make mistakes in some decisions you'll make from now on, but remember: as long as you are not chained to a mortgage or children, you'll be able to change your life drastically more than once yet. That too is important to take into account!

And knowing what you definitely, gut-sure do not want, at least, is a good thing as well. : )

[hinoai.livejournal.com]

I don't know, but maybe this will help?
http://www.oprah.com/spirit/Who-Are-You-Meant-to-Be-Self-Assessment-Quiz

I took it and it told me what I'd already come to know about myself.

One piece of advice that I can give is to do something that you can't go back on and change, that will force you to take further action. My advice would be your job. Tell them that you are not renewing your contract for next year. So you are going to be forced to change things-- whether it's getting another job in Japan, or moving abroad, or frantically looking for anything, anywhere that you can do. Like being on a school deadline, the moments where you often are the most creative are the ones when you have to.

[kevinsensei.livejournal.com]

The thing is, you're basically in a safety zone. Even though you seem to have had enough of it, your job is safe. Living in Japan, while a pain in the a-- sometimes, is also safe. I don't mean to offend you, but you are also safe in your lack of a romantic relationship - you don't have the potential risk of heartbreak. This entire situation doesn't really challenge you and as such is limiting your personal growth and fulfillment.

All that being said, you really ought to start taking some risks. Nothing ventured, nothing gained!

The job - yes, you renewed your contract but you can get out of that. People do it all the time. Don't worry about the inconvenience to them, as you have to do what's best for you. You may not be able to find a job that is your dream or passion - welcome to the real world. Just find a job that you wouldn't mind doing that can support you and keep up with your other interests on the side.

Living in Japan - Just get out. You don't have to go back to Germany but try something else. From your experience in Japan, it may seem that you need to have a job in hand before moving somewhere. Even in this day and age when you can do skype interviews etc. that's not always the case. You may need to be in country to do job hunting, live off your savings for a while, and sort out the visa situation later. As far as which particular country to move to, well that's all just a matter of preference. You might need to take a trip to some of these places first to experience them and get a real sense of whether you could live there or not.

Relationship - You seem to put yourself down a lot in this category. I don't know why. You are an attractive woman. However, if your low self-esteem manifests itself IRL, I can see how you'd have difficulty finding someone to be with. Low self-esteem is a real turn-off. Granted, as a foreign woman in Japan finding someone is especially challenging. While there are foreign women who have found someone and settled down in Japan, that's a very small percentage. So the odds are against you. By the way, have you been attracted to anyone that you've met while living in Japan? If so, what did you do about it?

[mit-souko.livejournal.com]

I agree with kevinsensei and leviiosa8.

But I would like to say that, very often, you don't know you will like a job till you do it. I was only 16 when I started college. I was too young to know what to do, and got into law school [in France you have a prep year, then go directly into it]. After 2 years, I realized I absolutely hated law. But, in the French system, it's hard to change fields of study without restarting from scratch. So I continued through to my degree. But then, I ended up in the US, where a French law degree is useless. Eventually I started working in accounting [took some evening classes], and found to my surprise that I really liked it! So, very often you don't know till you do it.

In my experience, it is also difficult to decide if you want children or not. They are not abstract beings, but people you have to care for, worry about, be responsible for. It depends very much on the situation, on your partner, etc. Sometimes they arrive by accident, and you find you adore them anyway.

For heaven's sake, work on your self esteem and stop putting yourself down! You clearly are pretty and have talents. Be proud of yourself, think of your assets, not of impediments!

[littlekitt.livejournal.com]

Ah I know exactly how you feel! I'm only 23 but am already worried about my future. At first I wanted to be a vet tech but only because it's safe. I really want to be a children's book illustrator or character designer but it's hard to get a good job in that field D:

[asahifirsa.livejournal.com]

You know that people who studied Geisteswissenschaften (Humanities) or Sozialwissenschaften (Social Studies) mostly don't work in their chosen subject, right? Studying is mostly about learning how to learn and if you've passed your studies you have shown that you can do that. No one ever asked my how well I did on my studies and my point of study was rarely important for my jobs. THAT I studied though was important.

I've studied Japanese Studies and just to give you an idea, here is what my co-students are doing now (as far as I know off): Works for B-Win (online betting), works as private detective, works doing their own art, works as research assistant, works for a bow manufacturer (archery), studies to being a tour guide (in Austria), works as her family's company, works abroad for bank and I myself have my own travel agency. So you see, it's all over the place.

To get a job you have to be adaptable and able to learn. Cultural understanding is very important nowadays as is good language skills (with German, English & Japanese you have a very good basis).

The point is, all those job adds are usually unattainable. People who can all the things wanted in the add usually have a way better job anyway or would not work for the payment offered. So it's all about going to an interview with a good attitude of I can do this. I might not be able to do this or that right now, but I can learn it, no problem.

So getting a job shouldn't necessary be a problem. You might even get one that is decently paid (probably nowhere near what you get now, but enough to pay the rent and have some over for entertainment and holidays).

You might see your lack of a certain direction as a problem, but actually this makes you versatile. You're not set on one job type.

That doesn't really help with where to go or if you want to stay. That's a totally different kettle of fish.

Maybe just try to concentrate on what you want in your life. Make a list of what you're missing now and this might actually help you with your decision.

[nara-heiwa.livejournal.com]

i know i can't help you =/
but i can totally understand you, cause i'm going through the same
i don't know what i want to do in my life, what kind of a job i want or where i want to live
i'm a biologist, but i don't work in my area and don't want to, i found that in the last year of the university and i'm already 28 years old...i know i don't want to get marriage nor even have kids, that's for sure and don't want to live with my parents my whole life
the job i'm doing right now it's not what i want for the rest of my life, but it's what i have right now, so i'm saving money cause in the future i want to have my own home and i want to travel, cause i feel like i don't belong here in my country, Brazil, but where do i belong? don't know. It will be a new experience for me, i'll grow up, but this doesn't mean that i'll find what i want to do in my life
you, on the other hand, already travelled, already lived in another country, so i don't know.
psichologist helped me with so many things, but this issue i have to solve on my own.
but i understand your frustation, it's really hard to know what kind of job we want for the rest of our lifes, i envy people who always knew what they really want, i thought about doing another college, but i wouldn't know what would it be, so i'm lost too
it's hard, but you will figure out what to do!

[shiinait.livejournal.com]

I'm in the same situation. But I think that even if a job does not seem suitable for oneself, at the moment, at least in Europe, it is better taken it without hesitation. Maybe I'm material, but to move forward we must be content at times.

[algidoberon.livejournal.com]

I've been on an IC since I left high school, mostly 'cause of the pressure from my dad to choose a career that would make my ends meet. But I chose one that I haven't even got the chance to work for at least a full year, and I feel very frustrated personally and professionally. And the job that I working on right now is not what I dreamed for either. It's tough. What I want to do is just find something I can work on that I like enough to stay working for a while, and also have a family. To find the perfect balance in life is the tricky part :( seems like I can't have both things that I want, time for myself, my family and a kick-ass job.

[hesaki.livejournal.com]

es gibt ja inzwischen den Begriff der "Quarterlife crisis". Viele Ende 20 jährige haben das wohl.
und was die biologische Uhr betrifft. Mach Di da mal keinen Streß. Die meisten Frauen sind schon Anfang 30 beim ersten Kind und mein FA hat mir auch schon von 40-jährigen erzählt, die gesunde Kinder zu Werlt bringen. Wichtig ist nur, man darf sich selbst nicht unter Druck setzen.
Bei mir ging das ja auch alles erst mit 30 los. Den richtign Mann gefunden, geheirtatet und jetzt ;-)

Job possibilities in Germany

[pnolan.livejournal.com]

Hi! Just catching up with your journal, which I love.

I mentioned my friend Bob Rice to you a while back who teaches at a language/translation school in Munich. Remember? He's a friend of my family's and coincidentally was just here in Indianapolis visiting and came to my daughter's wedding. (She waited until 36 by the way!)

I mentioned you to him and he said he would be glad to talk to you when you go back or you can e-mail him if you'd like.

I told him what you've been doing and how you are not sure you want to return to Germany for a number of reasons, including difficulty finding a job.

He seemed to think that you would not have much of a problem, especially if you want to teach Japanese in a language school. He said that is a rare skill in Germany.

Anyway, here's his e-mail address:

Robert Rice: rwrice@gmx.net