[Japan Life]: Busy life and future plans

[chochajin]

Hi!

I think some of you have already guessed it, but it doesn't look like I'll leave Japan in just a few months (February / March) as planned.
Well, of course it also depends on whether I'll get my visa renewed or not, but if I do, I guess I'm here for another year or so.

It's really hard to describe.
My life since I moved in March has gotten extremely busy. It's not bad, because I travel so much, it's almost insane!
Just looking at the list of places I've been to in the past year makes me realize just how busy I must have been!

Unfortunately all that traveling also comes with a lot of prior planning and post photo sorting and no breaks in between.
As soon as I come back from one trip I already plan the next one.
I have given up on catching up with sorting the photos or posting about my trips. It's gotten impossible!

That alone keeps me insanely busy, but of course there are always a lot of other things that also need to be done.

And with that this year has passed by without much happening (apart from my awesome trips ).
I've even been too busy to think about my future - it seems.
Of course, it's always on my mind, but it seems I won't get the answer I want any time soon.

I'm still living my dream, but I also think I need more or something else at this point.
As you know this is not something recent, I've had that feeling for a long time now and I thought by moving within Japan I could figure something out, but apparently it didn't help with that concern.

I feel like I'm exactly at the same spot where I was a year ago ... or even two years ago.
Yes, I've accomplished something with my blog. I've seen so many great places in the meantime and I try to enjoy my time here in Japan as much as I can and as long as I still can, but ....... I dunno.




It's like ... the longer I stay here in Japan, the less I feel comfortable with going back to Germany.
I just can't see myself leading a happy life in Germany. Of course, I could be totally wrong ... and of course, I miss my home country and I wish I could go back and spend a few months there!
There are many things that are better in Germany and that will become more and more important the older I get (like the social support system, the health system etc.).

On the other hand, I wouldn't be able to keep my current lifestyle at all! I would have to live with the bare minimum of money.
That is because in Germany you'll only get back about half of your salary after taxes. HALF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I doubt I could live comfortably like that.

I also can't imagine to find a job that I'd like doing.
I'm still trying to figure out if there might be anything that I could do on a freelance basis.


I think what I need is a clear goal I can work towards, but nothing comes to my mind.
Generally I like my current life, but I feel that something needs to change, just not sure what and how.


First of all, I don't think it's good that I'm always so busy.
Like I said I keep doing trips on a very regular basis (which I really enjoy, but planning is getting more and more tiring ...), I'm busy with my full-time job and all the things of daily life .... and then blogging eats up the rest of my time.
And that's all in my life. No space for anything more!

If I could I'd join a sport club, meet people, take part in some cultural events, have some time for just myself where I could read a book or watch dramas ..... but it's impossible to find the time for all of these things.

I don't want to neglect my blog completely, either. I put too much work into it, but it's the truth that I struggle to update it at all because I'm busy with so many other things.
And the few moments of free time I have, I use to update it.

This is the first weekend in many, many months that I decided to do nothing and just relax ... and only do the things I really want ... like updating my LJ!



I'm just super afraid that I'll stay here in Japan for another 5 years or so, then being over 35 .... having no family around me, no real friends ... no boyfriend and no chance of creating my own family.
Just still sitting here, updating my blog, traveling a lot.

I love traveling in Japan, but it's also getting more and more of a burden at the same time.
Compared to the previous years where I had less vacation ... I only really had three weeks per year where I had to worry about planning and traveling, but now there's no end to it.

I also run out of ideas where to go.

Maybe I should get back into studying Japanese and finally take the N1 ... but for what?



It's like .... sense is missing in what I'm doing right now.
I enjoy my trips ... I enjoy posting about them ... I enjoy sorting my photos .... but doing JUST THAT doesn't seem to fulfill me (yes, it keeps me busy and I enjoy doing it, but that's just not the same, right?). On the other hand I don't have the time to put anything new into my life.



And in reality .. no matter if we're talking about now or in a few years ... I'll run into many problems.
It will be hard to find a job in Germany. Probably it's gonna be a job I don't like.
Although it's my home country it's gonna be more stressful than here in Japan.
I have never paid pension and I'm not sure how that's gonna work out in Germany once I'm back ... or in any other country I might choose.

I'm also afraid of the high crime rate and the large amount of foreigners and teenager delinquents in Germany. I don't want to live in a big city, but that means I won't be able to find a job suited for my qualifications.
It's really sad.

Of course, Switzerland or Austria might be a good alternative as they're close enough to where my family lives, but might offer a bit better living conditions.


I'm still hoping that something will come up naturally ... maybe via my blog and the contacts I got through it.
But if nothing will happen, what shall I do?
I have given up finding an answer for this, because no matter how hard I think about it, I can't find an answer.

It seems stupid to me to give up my life here in Japan where I earn more than I ever would in Germany with a nice apartment, a car and a job that I enjoy.
Of course life here can also be very stressful, but apart from a few situations I have never felt horrible or desperate like I did in Germany a few times.


I guess as long as I still enjoy my current job .. and especially as long as I'm still young and fit enough to do it, I could just continue and slowly work to improve my Japanese skills, blogging skills to build up a good set of qualifications that might help me once I decide to go back to Germany.
But even then, that doesn't solve my other problem: the feeling that something is missing in my life .... and the feeling that I spend too much time with traveling / photos / blogging while not having time for anything else.


I don't know what a person in my situation is supposed to do.
I just need a few clues, a new direction, a new goal, but unfortunately you can't get those as a Christmas presents, now can you? :(



Sorry for this rather long and pointless rant.

Bye~chuu~

Comments

[weifrannie.livejournal.com]

I can feel you!!! But you're much luckier than me having a job you like doing. Maybe you just feel strained because you travel a LOT leaving you no time for other things. Maybe you can try to travel less and just rest and watch dramas, like you said. Give yourself a break from traveling if you can. You've been to almost everywhere in Japan!

Working on your blog might open great opportunities for you. I can sense you're becoming more popular! :)

[mit-souko.livejournal.com]

I want to think carefully before answering, but I cannot resist saying one thing first:

The reason so little is left of your salary in Germany is because your taxes go towards paying for all those services you like: the social support system, the health care etc. In addition, Germany seems to have a mind boggling set of rules and regulations about anything and everything.

But I will come back to give you my thought, for what they are worth, a bit later today.

[mit-souko.livejournal.com]

Here I am again. I do think you spend too much time with traveling/photos/blogging: you say it yourself.

This year, you seem to have had a veritable orgy of travel. Now I love travel too, but I can't help thinking you are starting to overdo it. You don't have to see every single corner of Japan. It is because of this travel and then the time spent sorting photos and blogging that you have no other leisure left.

You complain about having few friends: time spent on these pursuits robs you of the chance to join a sport club [or any other club], or engage in other activities where you might meet someone. Because you are a bit lonely, you escape into travel and blogging, which... it is a vicious circle.

I do think it would be good to pass the N1. It is a proof of your accomplishment that could be useful for a job. Why wouldn't you want to continue being a teacher in Europe? I understand that was what you studied at the university. Apparently you enjoy it and are good at it.

I have no idea of the conditions in Switzerland or Austria. My feeling, though, is that everywhere in Europe taxes are high. And in most places jobs are not all that easy to find, though so far Germany, for one, is doing 0K.

I would quite understand staying in Japan, for the various good reasons you cite. Though if you do plan to return to Europe in the future, do not make it too distant. It becomes harder and harder to re-adapt. Now, I am myself an immigrant. I am of French birth, education, culture. After all these years here, I still get homesick periodically. Yet, when I am home, I realize it is probably too late to go back. I have gotten used to the atmosphere and the rhythm here, yet it can annoy me too. Being an expat is really, to use a French expression, sitting between two chairs.

[cinnamonghost.livejournal.com]

Hmm, ich weiss nicht wie viel Geld du so in Japan übrig hast bzw. wie viel du brauchst um deinen "Lebensstandard" aufrecht zu erhalten, aber so lange du einen einigermaßen guten Job hast, kommst du mMn locker klar. Ich bin mit meinem Gehalt am unteren Ende der Mitte(in meinem Beruf zumindest) würde ich sagen; verdiene 2800€ brutto, bekomme davon ca. 1800€ raus und kann davon locker leben. Meine Wohnung liegt sehr zentral und ist daher ziemlich teuer(~800€ warm), und nach Strom, Essen, etc. und Ausgaben für Freizeit(mindestens 50€/Monat für Kung Fu + ab und zu weggehen, Kino, Klamotten usw.) bleiben immernoch ein paar 100€ einfach so übrig. Klar muss ich mir etwas größere Ausgaben wie Reisen ein paar Monate vorher überlegen, aber sonst hab ich echt überhaupt keine Geldsorgen.
Und du scheinst mir jetzt auch nicht so die Person zu sein die das Geld recht uns links aus dem Fenster wirft, also musst du dir was das angeht denke ich keine Gedanken machen. ;)

Bezüglich Altersvorsorge etc. solltest du dich vielleicht tatsächlich jetzt schon schlau machen wie das abläuft. Ein Kollege von mir ist gleich nach dem Studium für einige Jahre ins Ausland zum Arbeiten, und da er deswegen hier nie Steuern gezahlt hat, hat er auch keinerlei Ansprüche. (D.h. wenn er jetzt seinen Job verlieren würde, würde er sofort in Hartz IV rutschen.)

Zur Kriminalität - das schreibst du ja öfter, und ich frage mich immer, wo du das her nimmst? :D Klar liest man immer mal wieder in der Zeitung von Leuten die ausgeraubt werden, aber ich muss sagen - ich wohne ja auch in einer recht großen Stadt und lauf auch gern mal mitten in der Nacht alleine durch die Gegend, und das schlimmste was mir bis jetzt passiert ist waren ein paar Kerle die mir "Hast du keine Angst so spät alleine rumzulaufen?" hinterhergerufen haben... Einmal bin ich mitten in der Nacht nach Hause gelaufen und da hat mich sogar jemand angesprochen, ob alles in Ordnung wäre. Klar solltest du nicht spät Nachts allein am Frankfurter Hbf oder so rumlaufen, aber ansonsten find ich deine Angst diesbezüglich völlig unbegründet.

Aber generell hört es sich für mich eher an als wolltest du lieber in Japan bleiben. Wie wäre es, das mal als Option in Betracht zu ziehen? So schlecht ist das Gesundheitssystem dort auch nicht, und die Japaner kommen damit auch klar - also warum nicht auch du. Ich könnte mir vorstellen, dass das was dir fehlt einfach der soziale Rückhalt ist. So ganz ohne Freunde, Freund, Familie würden sich glaube ich die wenigsten Menschen wirklich "erfüllt" fühlen... vielleicht solltest du mal weniger Zeit in Reisen und Bloggen investieren, und dir dafür das Ziel setzen, Leute kennen zu lernen. Ich bin selber auch jemand der ständig aktiv sein muss - aber Ruhepausen sind auch wichtig. Schalt mal nen Gang zurück, wenn man immer nur am Rotieren ist zieht das Leben einfach so an einem vorbei(was vielleicht paradox klingt wenn man so viel tut, aber Gefühlt ist es mMn irgednwie so.)

[kanaala.livejournal.com]

Ich verstehe dich sehr gut...

Ehrlich gesagt würde ich and einer Stelle glaube ich auch noch länger in Japan bleiben. In Deutschland etwas zu finden wird so oder so schwer, egal ob du nächstes Jahr zurückkommst oder später. Dann lieber so lange wie es geht in Japan bleiben. Wobei da natürlich das Problem mit dem Ziel oder gewissen Sinn im Leben dort ist. Aber vllt lässt sich ja doch noch was finden!
Was ich gern mal wissen würde: Wieviele Steuern müssen eigentlich die Japanern bezahlen bzw wie viel haben sie vom Gehalt am Ende noch übrig? In Deutschland ists echt abschreckend... auch einer der Gründe die mir wenig an einem festen Arbeisverhältnis hierzulande zusagen.
Ich war ja für ein Jahr in Japan und bin nun zurück, muss meinen Uniabschluss machen nächstes Jahr. Danach will ich sofort zurück nach Japan und mir dort einen Job suchen. Mir fehlt Japan echt unglaublich. Es wird shclimmer je länger ich in Deutschland bin. Das ist so eine ganz andere Lebensart irgendwie... aber war einfach toll da. Und es fehlt mir ungemein, weil hier einfach alles viel unpraktischer ist!!! Und man sich hier unsicherer fühlt. Ist momentan echt schwer für mich, wünschte ich könnte sofort zurück. Komme nicht so auf mein Leben klar. Könnte mir vorstellen, dass es dir ähnlich gehen wird sobald du zurück in Deutschland bist =/ Deshalb würde ich an deiner Stelle echt genau drüber nachdenken.

Du hast sowas wie Pädagokik oder Lehramt oderso studiert? Da würde ich auch ungern in eine größere Stadt oder allgemein Hauptschulen oderso gehen auf Grund der vielen Jugendlichen mit Immigrationshintergrund und der Kriminalität. Ich studiere ja in Frankfurt... hier sind ja überall nur Ausländer hab ich das Gefühl.... schon schlimm. Mag hier auch abends nicht so gern im Dunklen viel rumlaufen. Frankfurt ist leider ziemlich assig.

[karu-chan.livejournal.com]

Ich schließe mich da mit_souko und cinnamonghost an: Es gehen zwar viele Prozente weg (rechne mal mit um die 40% bei einem mittleren Einkommen von ca. 3000 € brutto), aber dafür hast du dann schon fast das Rund-um-Sorglos-Paket vom Staat. Wenn du 2 Jahre lang dauerhaft hier gearbeitet hast, bekommst du auch für sechs Monate Arbeitslosengeld (66% vom letzten Netto), alle normalen Behandlungen werden bezahlt etc.
Ja, du musst noch mal ca. 100 € für eine eigene Rentenversicherung einplanen und ggf. eine Zahnzusatzversicherung, aber wie viele andere Ländern bieten diesen Luxus? Oftmals ist es ja so, dass du vom Staat keine Unterstützung bekommst, wenn du deinen Job verlierst und Krankenversicherungen übernehmen wenig bis sehr wenig.
Wegen der Kriminalität... Ja, die Zeitungen sind voll davon, aber bislang fühle ich mich hier noch recht sicher...

Nur so wie du klingst, glaube ich immer noch, dass du hier nicht glücklich werden wirst/willst, sondern dein Glück lieber in anderen Ländern suchst. Also... mach das! (nur spare dennoch etwas für eine private Altersvorsorge/Lebensversicherung. Das ist sicher eine gute Idee. Überall!)

[ex-ninchu.livejournal.com]

While I understand wanting to travel a lot, if it starts to stress you out, then maybe you need to cut down on it. Even if all the things you do right now (work, travel, blog) are things you enjoy, you need time for yourself to just unwind from everything.

I wouldn't want to move to Germany either...

[nighstar.livejournal.com]

*hugs* :(

looking back on my (comparatively short!) time in Japan, the first 2 years were a "honeymoon phase"... i was very much in love with Japan, my paycheck and the lifestyle that i could afford to live, but that honeymoon quickly started to fad away during the 3rd year when things at work started to annoy me more and more and certain aspects of japanese culture/work started to really ruffle my feathers. had my bf not asked me to move to Australia with him, i would have still recontracted for a 4th year. i would have very much been where you are now (in fact, i'm sure i'd be EXACTLY the same as you).... i couldn't see myself getting a job, making the money that i did then and maintaining my lifestyle if i moved back to America, so i would have just swallowed down the bad stuff to keep the good stuff.

....having said all that, i'm sorry i can't help you find whatever it is you need and feel you are missing. :( i really hope that it comes your way on its own (and that you recognize it when you see it! because that's hard too). hang in there and don't burn yourself out in the meantime. take a break from some of the optional (and really, if you're not being paid to do something it is optional!) things that you are doing that stress you out and take some time to just take care of yourself and fulfill your own needs. as much as you love doing all of the things you're doing, if you don't take care of yourself 1st and foremost you may find yourself in a bad situation later on....

just my 2cents.

This is just my opinion but...

[kevinsensei.livejournal.com]

It seems like you are afraid to leave your comfort zone. There's nothing necessarily wrong with that, but in the end you have to ask yourself "Is this life fulfilling?"

As I was in a similar situation, this is how I approached/viewed it.

Even though there are some petty (and some not-so-petty) annoyances, living in Japan is pretty easy. I got to a point however where I just was not progressing. Professionally, I had become a full-time university instructor but even that still merely felt like a job, not a career. As far as my personal life goes, I had made a lot of acquaintances but developed very few real friendships. I had also made some girlfriends here and there but it was really hard to envision settling down with most of them. All things considered, it just felt like I was killing time.

It wasn't an easy decision to leave. Heck, as you know I flip-flopped on it more times than I care to admit. ^^; Still, long story short: After all those years (and flip-flops) I finally felt like I was done with Japan. Not everyone has to feel that way of course. Many foreigners settle down in Japan and lead perfectly normal, productive lives.

You mentioned being "afraid of the high crime rate and the large amount of foreigners and teenager delinquents in Germany". Are those things really so hard to deal with? Outside of Japan, crime is just a fact of life. You have to know how to take care of yourself. Dealing with foreigners? Ummm... you are a foreigner in Japan. I don't know what you're trying to say with that one. Teenager delinquents? Again, similar to crime, you just have to know how to take care of yourself. Sorry if I sound like a jerk but being afraid of these things makes me just want to say "Grow up!"

You also mentioned feeling horrible and desperate in Germany. I don't know what that was all about. There are some things in life and the world that one cannot control. If some the types of things that made you feel horrible and desperate would resurface upon your return to Germany then I wouldn't want to go back there either - but that doesn't necessarily mean stay in Japan.

Then of course, the big question what to do if you leave. Well, what can you do? What do you want to do? Ideally, you would find something that answers both. Anyway, it looks like some more soul-searching is in order for you to find out what is truly best for you, and only you can discover the answer to that. Good luck!

[hinoai.livejournal.com]

I am kind of similar right now, in that I was planning to leave next year, and now I've decided that I'll stay longer (if not forever).

I think that most people covered what I wanted to say about cutting back on travel. I just want to add that you should follow your heart. If you feel that something is missing, it probably is. Maybe it's finding your calling, or maybe finding a boyfriend. Remember, your boyfriend doesn't have to be Japanese. In fact, I bet if you found a nice foreign guy that lives in Japan, you might get along really well. You might change your mind about leaving or staying, based on your relationship and feelings. :) (Who knows!) As for finding him, well, it would be hard in the countryside, but there are plenty of foreigners and Probably even Germans living in Osaka. :) Try checking out Facebook groups and any foreign language magazines. :)

As for a career/calling, I think that you have some good skills. Teaching, writing, photography, organization, which can all be applied to finding a career. Imagine if you had a job that dealt with Japan and Germany, that required you to travel a lot between them! Maybe even required you to have houses in both countries! You can create that job, if you really want to. :)

[pearlsphere.livejournal.com]

:( It seems to me that travelling and updating your blog have turn into two other jobs. I don't doubt they are really enjoyable, you take great pics and share pretty interesting info on the places you visit, I love reading your blog and I thank you for all the time you spend sharing your experiences, but maybe as everyone else has said, you need to cut down on your travel time, and have more "chochajin" time doing more simple things, 'cause you do miss that simple life or at least some pieces of it. I won't say it was boring before, but you know how it is, everything needs a balance.

What are the things that you really really want? don't postpone them anymore! It's not "impossible" to find the time to do all the things you want (social activities, and such) you just need to sacrifice on other things that are taking away your attention from those things. What I'm trying to say is that you have to MAKE the time. It just won't happen magically. This doesn't mean you have to quit your job of course.

Maybe and I'm just saying maybe you need to overcome that Germany fear and actually spend some months there to see if you really find it terrible and overwhelming to live there. I'm pretty sure it's not that bad (at least not as much as a 3rd world country -.-) You need a goal you can focus on? then focus on trying to find a way to leave Japan for a few months as someone mentioned on another earlier post without your visa expiring in the meantime. Explore some other European countries to see how things are there. You even mentioned Canada once, why not look up into that again? :) Sometimes you really just need a break from all the things that saturate you so you can have some new and fresher ideas later. *hugs*

[leviosa8.livejournal.com]

Meaningful relationships and professional and personal development, that's what you lack in Japan. Money, you get. But you'll have to decide what you need more in your life. From what you mention of Germany, it seems you are afraid of the "real world". Japan is somewhat of a lalaland.

[perfectchaosrei.livejournal.com]

1. i totally relate when you say that the longer you stay in japan, the less comfortable you feel about moving back to germany. i kind of feel that way about moving back to the united states thinking that things will be much harder there than they are here.

2. do you teach english now? if you're japanese is so high level, why not do something else?

3. i think it's interesting that you're worried about foreigners in germany...when you're a foreigner in japan...

4. why do you think you couldn't get a job you liked in germany? do you like your job in japan, or is it just comfortable?

5. i personally feel like if you do stay in japan longer, it'll be impossible/extremely hard to go back to germany cuz you'll be old, finding a job will be harder at that point, and you wouldn't have contributed to all the things that the government helps you with when you get older (in the US that would be social security, medicare, 401k money saving things...I don't know how Germany operates).

[mtranc3.livejournal.com]

You seem to be happy with your current job, so maybe you can focus on the other things that worry you, to see if you can change them and find that part of your life that is missing. For example, if you are afraid of not having a social life in Japan, maybe you can cut back on your traveling/blogging (not a lot, just a little bit) to allow you to have more time to meet up with friends. The thing is that with social interactions it takes effort, even if you are busy you have to make the time, otherwise the time passes and you end up never joining that club/seeing that movie/going for coffee with that friend... So maybe you can divide time between your interests and social life so that each gets attention. And the more you interact socially, the more acquaintances/friends you'll make and perhaps even find someone you like in a romantic way. I know it's not easy when you are so busy, but try to devote a little time each week to do a social activity and it will grow from there :)

[celestica.livejournal.com]

Life is, hardly, unfair. And this always is true.
I think that, as always, you worry too much about two sides you're trying to choose. Hun, everyone does it XD; and that's OK. It helps us to make decisions with clear decision sadly its not like we can get a trial to try and see which decision is better, in the end.
My go is RELAX. Stop your blogging, travelling etc for a while (few weeks) and simply relax, take a few days and just be 'alone' (I don't mean isolated etc) but rather give yourself and your mind some space, to think, to relax, to atone, or whatever is right for you. Right now it looks like you're thinking too much and in this case, you aren't getting any answers quicker or clearer.
Don't think finding a decision is going to be hard - if you think negatively or cos in the past its always hard for you then it will stay harder. Trust yourself, be positive and don't think of the bad stuff, relax and see where it leads you.
Hope this helps :) x

[asahifirsa.livejournal.com]

I'm not sure, but it sounds like you've put your life on hold a bit while in Japan. From your post it feels a bit as if you don't want to invest time in clubs, friendships, etc because you won't be staying long. It's the same with other posts where you mention you'd like this or that, but it's not worth it because you're not staying long enough and can't take it back home. Maybe you're thinking the same about relationships with other people?

If you get your visa (and why shouldn't you), maybe you could consider a plan that is longer than one year. It will reduce the stress of having to do and see as much as possible in a relatively short time. If you have two or even three years, you can make time for clubs and friends as there's plenty of time left to do the traveling and doing the N1.

Just a suggestion, as you do seem to enjoy Japan generally.

[amvn.livejournal.com]

If traveling starts feeling more like a chore (at least indirectly) then maybe you should slow down a bit? I just know this myself, since I haven't traveled anywhere for two years now my list of places I want to visit is getting larger and larger, and sometimes I feel like I just want to get that list "over with" so I can cross it off my list. But then again I should take the time to enjoy those places as well. Oh heck I'm not making any sense here haha XDDD But what I mean is, maybe you should free some of that time you spend on traveling and blogging do do something solely for you? Something that takes your time off the worrying about the future as well, and maybe things will start to happen for you? I'm not really the person to talk here though, my life situation is sad as hell lol ;__; but focusing more on yourself and your life in Japan maybe is just the way to go :)