[Life]: I'm really doing things the wrong way! :(

[chochajin]

Hey there!~

Thanks so much to everybody who replied to my last entry.
I really appreciate your advice!
For now I won't do anything as I'm busy planning my summer vacation which will start in early August (= very soon).

Actually I planned to FINALLY visit the Ogasawara Islands.
They are registered as World Heritage and can only be reached by a 25.5h ferry ride! (T___T) .....
This is ONE reason why I avoided going until now.

I always REALLY wanted to go because the islands are SO BEAUTIFUL and you'll find certain plants and animals you can't find anywhere else.

However, as I have vacation together with all the Japanese it always gets crowded everywhere.
I was shocked to find out that almost no tickets are available for the ferry from Tokyo to the islands anymore.
And when I looked for accommodations I found out that NOTHING is available anymore.

Okinawa in January 2013

I know that it's mostly my own fault for not planning WAY in advance (yet again ...).
This has become quite a bad habit recently.

It's (probably) my last big vacation here in Japan before I leave, so I wanted it to be something special.
I also wanted to visit the islands, because it's so much more difficult to plan such a trip from abroad ... *sigh*


I'm just angry at myself.
I'm always working so hard and I never put things aside to do them tomorrow. I try to finish everything ASAP ... apart from planning my trips.
I'm sure you've noticed that in the recent years.

The past few times I didn't even plan big trips anymore and just did day trips etc. ... basically because I didn't feel like planning and I was too late to set up a "big and awesome journey" anyways.

I don't know how to describe this, but it's something a lot of you have noticed and mentioned in comments already.
I feel like I work soooooooooooooooo hard on things that might not be worth it, but I can't stop!
There are so many other things that would be more important .. like my own life, having a great vacation, exercising or just relaxing.

I'm not sure if it can be compared to being a drug addict, but it surely feels like I'm doing something I shouldn't, but I just can't stop.
The tricky thing is that it's not really something bad what I'm doing. Working on my blog and all these other things are fun and I do them because I want to, but I'm probably exaggerating too much in terms of how much work and effort I put into it / them.

I wonder if that's one reason that I'm feeling the way I do. Not really depressed, but you know what I mean.


I'm just really angry at myself, but I just CAN'T STOP BEING THAT WAY! :( ....


Anyways, concerning the vacation I'm trying to work on a plan B.
I saw that flights and hotels for Okinawa are still available for that time frame, so I plan visiting more islands on Okinawa, e.g. Ishigaki, Iriomote etc. and / or also go to Hokkaido.
Not sure how that'll work out in the end (1 week Hokkaido / 1 week Okinawa or 2 weeks Okinawa or 2 weeks Hokkaido).
I tend to re-visit Okinawa and explore islands I haven't seen.
After all my first experience was quite horrible (with permanent bad weather this winter ...)


That's all.

Comments

[venia.livejournal.com]

Hi! I read your latest posts...you spent a great amount of energy into something that didn't work like you wanted. Well, consider that you're just one person and you're doing the work of three people! That's bound to exhaust you.

Your comment on the "drug addict" caught my eye. I'm embarrassed to admit I suffered from internet addiction ^^; and the only reason I stopped was, well, dating. Generally

[venia.livejournal.com]

(sorry, pressed post)

Generally I can only advise you to do the things that make you feel good with yourself. If you feel that something is wrong, go out more or socialise. ...that's too general an advice and it may not apply to you, but it's the only thing I can say. Ganbatte!! >__

[chochajin.livejournal.com]

It's a good advice, but the problem is it's so much easier said than done! ;___;

Thanks! *hugs*

[chochajin.livejournal.com]

I certainly work for three or more! :(

I wouldn't say that I have an internet addiction. I wonder what it really is in my case T_T ...
Glad you were able to overcome it! ^____^

[celestica.livejournal.com]

I wish I had your determination! I would definitely need some from you to do my blog (plus my website for potential jobs! amateur animator here :D). However, yes I do understand your endless frustrations as I have been there myself plenty of times and like to wallow myself in depression. So what I tend to do is take a step back and take a break - not too long, but to evaluate what is truly important or the first stuff that is important and everything else can be done lately. But I know - I work on the stuff that DOESN'T need to be done now, and miss the important stuff. It's a bad habit. Slowly try to step away a bit, and pick the other thing that needs to be done now and tell yourself 'no worries it's not going away, you have time to do so... it can wait a bit.' It IS hard but you can do it. If I can (sometimes) then you can.

The trick is to stop thinking you won't have time for everything and that this is more important than that.

So sorry about your plans not going as you liked - :( it happens to everyone... and I know its important, maybe later in some years you can come and go there as part of your vacation. It is not going to go away :) and I know you'd have liked to be now as your last vacation but the thing is, is to know yourself you WILL see it, and it WILL be there. <3

[chochajin.livejournal.com]

It is really hard.
I wanted to take a break from everything for a while and just relax and start thinking about my future, because that's what I really SHOULD do, but I just can't bring myself to do it! T_T ....

I hope it's still there then. You never know!
I hope by that time they'll have an airport, so I don't have to spend 25.5h+ on a ferry! XDDDD

Thanks so much!! :33

[asahifirsa.livejournal.com]

I sincerely hope they never get an airport or it won't be worth visiting anymore. The nature is so fragile there, an airport would be the end of it.

Go to Okinawa, be sure to have a rest day were you can just collect shells on the beach an relax :)

[mit-souko.livejournal.com]

First, your vacation. If I were you, I would drop Okinawa, which is truly not among the prettiest Pacific islands, and gets a lot of rain [though a little less in July and August]. On the other hand, there are many things to see on Hokkaido [like the northern mountains] and the weather should be delightful. Going to both would seem costly with all the flying. So why not just go to Hokkaido?

Now, the moment of [disagreeable] truth. My guess about your procrastination in travel planning, on the one hand, but spending all that time on blogs, forums, internet sales sites, is that it is an escape from day to day reality. And yes, at a certain level, a sort of addiction.

You have told us you will be going back to Germany, but haven't talked about it at all lately: when are you going? What are you going to do about your stuff [shipping, selling/discarding, etc.]? How long ahead do you need to give notice? I am of course making assumptions, maybe you have the whole thing pinned down, in which case I deeply apologize. Or maybe it is for so late in the year there are still oodles of time [gomen!]

[chochajin.livejournal.com]

I think I should go with the option that I feel like I want to do more right now. :)
And second with the option where hotels / flights are still available.

I wonder if it's an escape from reality. I really don't know.

I haven't said anything yet, because it's not as soon as you probably think it is.
There's just nothing to write about other than I'm scared.
I've sorted out the things I want to sell already and I've taken millions of photos, but I just don't have time to do another LJ Sale any time soon.

[amvn.livejournal.com]

I'm sorry about the Ogasawara Islands, it's somewhere I would love to go as well someday! But since they are fairly small I guess things sell out fairly quick :( I'm planning on going to Yaeyama myself late summer/early autumn, I'm ordering on Monday when my boss is back from vacation and I can be sure to get the all-clear ;)

[chochajin.livejournal.com]

I guess I wouldn't want to visit when it's so crowded anyways.
I really wish I could have vacation outside of the high seasons! :(

Yay! Sounds great! ^_____^

[amvn.livejournal.com]

I'm probably going late August/early September, because that fits the best with some courses I'm taking this autumn. September should be a good spot, only thing I'm worried about are typhoons :/ but I've been told they are almost always followed by really clear good weather. One of my top wishes is to do jungle trekking in Iriomote, and for that I think October would be the best month as some tours are only offered from October till March or so (maybe it has to do with the weather and temperature IDK) It's THE place I've always wanted to travel though I'm probably out of luck spotting my beloved yamaneko XD

About the Ogasawara Islands: I would really want to visit them as well. How about we plan something for next year if the circumstances permit? Maybe a bit out of season, say September/October? I'm totally game :)

[asahifirsa.livejournal.com]

Iriomote is wonderful. Been twice, can't get enough of it. Been in March and August and March is definitely great for trekking, but August has tons of critters out that are quite amazing.

There is a ryokan with an old lady who knows everything about the island and who's seen the Yamaneko a few times. The Jungle something hotel or other had Yamaneko around it. They regularly post pictures on their facebook from customers who saw one.

Me? Nope, never saw one, but I only found out about those after my second time there :)

[amvn.livejournal.com]

Wow that's amazing!!! :D I have to talk to that lady then, if I weren't to see one at least it would be awesome to hear about her sightings :)

Thanks so much for the info :D it's been my dream place for many years I can't wait to go there!!!

[asahifirsa.livejournal.com]

You're supposed to stay at her Ryokan for all the insider tips, but I met someone who stayed with her and gave me some of her tips :) I accidentally met her with a group of guest while following that secret route though and chatted a bit with her. She's an amazing lady!

[amvn.livejournal.com]

Btw can it be the Jungle Hotel Painu Maya you're talking about? Because I recall seeing a movie of a yamaneko taken there by some guests there.

[asahifirsa.livejournal.com]

Yup, that's the one!

[chochajin.livejournal.com]

There will definitely be less tourists around that time! :)

I won't be in Japan next year around this time anymore and I doubt I have the will and money to come back for a visti shortly after I left! :/ ....

But maybe in 2015 :)

[amvn.livejournal.com]

2015 for sure :D

[ex-ninchu.livejournal.com]

I went to Ishigaki for my honeymoon and it was lovely! :D There's another stunning island close to it, called Taketomijima. :)
Unfortunately when I went to Okinawa the weather was really bad too, so I'd really like to go again with hopefully less rain.

[chochajin.livejournal.com]

T____T .... Okinawa seems to have bad weather all the time. *g*
Just kidding.

I would have 2 weeks, so I can visit a lot of the other small islands. The only question is if all the flights / ferries / hotels I'd need are still available for that time frame and that's what I'm working on now.

[asahifirsa.livejournal.com]

Don't worry about the ferries. No need to reserve anything from here.

I have a question

[kevinsensei.livejournal.com]

What do you actually do for fun? What do you truly enjoy doing?

It seems like you don't enjoy these other endeavors and that some are even more trouble than they're worth. If I were you, I'd take a step back. Take a break from these things and do something that simply makes you feel good. Do them for your own self-satisfaction and not for what anyone else might think. Don't feel a need to prove anything to anybody. If it is a non-productive activity, well hey, that's ok too! (^_^)

Re: I have a question

[chochajin.livejournal.com]

The thing is that recently I don't know what I truly enjoy anymore.
I wonder if that's part of the "depression kind of thing".

I do have a few things that I used to enjoy (like dancing), but I have so many reasons why I can't do it right now ... or at least I keep telling myself that, so I end up not trying anything.

I guess the difficult tihng is to find a thing that makes me feel good - other than my blog.

[angelbott.livejournal.com]

cool photo. ^^ and islands look so beautiful. :o
aww oh no. D:
..T.T don't blame yourself..
I know it's hard to make want to be awesome/great trips and memories in life..but it's so tough. ^^; orz
I know you are angry..but just be calm yourself to positive mind and try get different plan of trip if you are interested to go in. xD
Good luck. ^^

[chochajin.livejournal.com]

Thank you! ^^

I try to! Thank you so much! *hugs*

[angelbott.livejournal.com]

You're welcome! ^^

you can do it! xD You're welcome! xDD *hugs back*

[nighstar.livejournal.com]

:/ ....don't think that i'm just saying this to be saying this, but goddamn you put so much dedication, heart and effort into things-- you really deserve a happy ending. :/ and by "happy ending" i mean a good end to whatever it is you work towards. i can't stand that all this crap seems to be happening to you of all people. :/

i wish you could find something that you really do enjoy and just do it for yourself and no one else. not for the readers of your blog. not for your friends or family. just do something that you enjoy for yourself. you deserve at least that much... :/

sending good vibes your way... i hope things improve for you.

[chochajin.livejournal.com]

Aww, thanks so much!

But truth is, nobody is forcing me to put so much effort into things. And that things aren't working out might also be my own fault as what I'm doing is not good enough.

Thanks! Same goes for you! I really hope you can find peace and a happy life once you've settled down again! :( *hugs*