[Japan Life]: Afraid of change, anyone?!

[chochajin]

Hello.

It's past midnight and I should probably go to bed rather than write this entry now, but whatever.
I'm still really worried and think way too much - despite being ridiculously busy.
Why is it that December is always the most stressful and busiest month ever since I came to Japan?

I've been packing up quite some things today and sorted out what I want to keep (and send back home) and what I want to get rid of (and sale).
This might seem quite sudden, but if you think about it, I have less than 3 months if I really do it!
And sending home things + selling stuff I don't need is not wrong no matter what I decide to do in the end.

Thus and first of all, please check out the SALES ENTRIES!!!

As I'll be moving soon I need money like WOAH and I also need to get rid of all these things (although it breaks my heart having to sell them for so cheap), so definitely have a look at all of it and buy something if you like it!!!
You'll help me a lot and yourself, too! I doubt you'll find things for so cheap any time soon!!!

Back to the actual topic.
I had a really long talk with one of my coworkers after work this week.
I'm really glad he listened to my worries.
He asked me what I really want to do, but I just don't know that's WHY I'M HAVING ALL THESE WORRIES IN THE FIRST PLACE!!!! (-__-)

He suggested going back home would probably be the best option, but as I can't see myself back home just yet, that's not an option for NOW.

So, it's really just about staying here or challenging myself and trying to move to a big city.

In the end, he insisted that moving would be the best choice for me, emphasizing that as a coworker he'd love to keep me here as it makes life easier for him, too, but as a friend he'd really suggest that I move somewhere else.
It's good to have people around you that can be honest like that!


I will go for it! I will finish my contract and not renew!
That means I'm done in less than 3 months! HOMG!! I'm still completely freaking out about that short amount of time I have to do all the things that need to be done now.

Find a job, an apartment, move my stuff etc.!!!!

And I'm really anxious ... not excited, just super afraid and thus stressed out.
That's not how things should be, right?
Usually when you do the "right" thing you feel good about it, am I wrong?!

I don't know why. Maybe I'm just too worried to leave my comfort zone this time.
I wasn't the least bit afraid when going to Japan 4 years ago. I was all hyper and excited - that's HOW it should be.

Then again, no matter what options I go through mentally, none of them makes me excited at all.
The thought of staying here makes me feel relieved, though. That's because it's my comfort zone, I guess.


Let's look at the pros and cons of both options

Staying here in my little inaka:

• (-) nothing will change (I'm not moving forward at all, no new experiences, no new people)


• (+) have enough free time to travel, work on my blog, relax


• (+) save a lot of money (low rent, high salary)


• (+) super short way to work (5 min.!) = saving time and money like woah!


• (+) know where everything is and how things work here (esp. doctor as I have to go every 3 months ..)


• (+) feeling safe as I know exactly what will happen and what not


• (+) I can go everywhere by bicycle


• (-) I'm always far away when it's about meeting friends or going to concerts or other events

Moving to a bigger city / changing jobs:

• (-) starting from zero again


• (-) having MUCH less time again (have to give up on my blog and not much traveling anymore = although those are the things I enjoy the most!! :( ...)


• (-) possibly a long way to work every day (leaving me with no free time at all!)


• (-) not able to save much money anymore (lower salary, much higher rent and cost of living, commuting to work etc.)


• (-) I probably need to take the train no matter where I want to go = expensive


• (-) loud environment / loud apartment (= I cannot sleep and am always stressed)


• (-) risk of getting a job that will screw me / coworkers that suck or bully me (= more stress)


• (+) option of taking taiko lessons and other interesting things ((-) although I probably won't have the time when working full-time again and having to commute ... also, if the lessons are during the week in the evening, I cannot go anyways because of work ..)


• (+) being closer to a big city = more events / people to meet (= even less money)

GAH!!!
I have one more day until I need to talk to my boss. I don't want to think about it really ...
Losing the things I enjoy the most in exchange for other things that I care about, but not as much .... I'm really not sure.
Why can't I figure out what it is that I want?!
So annoying

[/rant]


Writing applications from tomorrow on.
Time's working against me already.
And if I finish my job, I'll also lose my apartment as it belongs to the company.
Worst case scenario I'll be without a job and a place to stay. Uh ...

On top of that I'm so stressed.
Selling things, writing applications, busiest time at work, planning my winter vacation, blogging ETC. ... just TOO MUCH!!!!


Qué sera ... or so -_-;

Comments

[asahifirsa.livejournal.com]

You're really quite negative... you list remote possibilities as negatives! You could end up in a wonderful quiet apartment in walking distance to your new school with wonderful co-workers as well. It's probably going to be a mixture of both good and bad probably though :)

I thought you're also having problems with your apartment right now with it being really small and noisy neighbors and no pets allowed?

Sure it's stressful to move and change and of course you'll spent more money living close to bigger cities simply because there's so much more to do and spend money on! But you'll also have less free time working full time so less time to spend money :) It all evens out.

And about not being able to write your blog, why not? You managed fine with LJ even when you were still working full time. It's not like you have to post every day.

Try to be a bit more positive and anticipation will come :)

There are not many people who like working with little ones and have experience. I'm pretty sure you'll get tons of offers. And don't be afraid to apply to interesting jobs where they want a "native" speaker. If everything else fits they might take you after all. It's rare to have applications where everything fits :)

[chochajin.livejournal.com]

Yes. I AM. And I have no idea WHY!? I don't get it. I wanna find out WHY I'm so negative about this. This is just too strange :/

Well, currently I couldn't find any jobs directly in a big city. 1.5h away from Osaka was the closest I found (15min. away from Himeji). It's really difficult.
That's the problem when you only have a very limited time to get a new job. You need to take what's there at the moment and can't wait for the REAL good job you've been wanting all time long :(

I don't think I will have the energy to.
The reason why I went from full-time to 1 day less per week was because I was sick way too often, had no free time at all etc. .... why should that be any different now?

I TRY! But as long as I haven't figured out WHY I'm so negative, this is gonna be difficult.
I also have no motivation to write new applications. So annoying :(
What's wrong?!

Haven't found any "interesting" jobs so far ;___; .....

This time I know EXACTLY what I'm looking for, esp. because I've been recruiting teachers myself and know what to look for.

I need to talk with my boss tomorrow and I'm still not sure what to tell him.
Telling him I'll leave will end it once and for all.

[asahifirsa.livejournal.com]

As I said, you have time. No need to send 10 applications to every single company every day. Send one a day if you see something you like working down the line of interesting jobs. You're allowed to panic if you haven't found anything one month before your contract runs out, but before that take your pick from the job offers!

[chochajin.livejournal.com]

Well, yeah.
I already feel quite stressed out.
Packing stuff to send back to Germany ASAP.
Inform myself what else I need to do when moving (cellphone, bills, ARC etc.)
Selling stuff here on LJ (takes an ridiculous amount of time so that at some point I might just cancel it and send the stuff off to Mandarake instead -__-; ....)
Once I understand how moving company charge, I might even take some of it with me and continue selling stuff from there (if it's not by kg as long as it fits in one truck, then I can take it with me!)
AAAH!!!

I need to write letters of recommendation, my boss and coworkers will sign them.
I also try to create something like the German "Arbeitszeugnis" and let s.b. at work translate it into Japanese as well.

I haven't written a single application yet.

My travel and daily backpack broke after 15 years and I NEED to go and buy a new one tomorrow. Also the autumn colors are at their peak and tomorrow is probably my last chance to take photos.

I DO NOT HAVE ENOUGH TIME!!! ;__;

[asahifirsa.livejournal.com]

Well, buy a new backpack and take pictures of the autumn colors tomorrow :)

You're not moving tomorrow, so plenty of time to make packages to send home yet and write lists about what you need to do and who you need to inform. You're there for a few more months, so you can worry about the Arbeitszeugnis until later. Why not make it in English, your boss should understand and your future company too :)

You can ask Mandarake to pick up your stuff in case you don't want to take it with you later too, why worry about it now?

And about your sales: It's the weekend! Slow down. I wouldn't spend a beautiful day at home just to sell something. They'll live if you reply a day later.

Prioritize! What can you only do now? Yup, autumn colors!
Prioritize! What of these things do you need done now? Yup, buy a backpack as you need it every day.

Everything else, do later.

[chochajin.livejournal.com]

Well, I hope the weather will be good. Has been so horrible on my last few days off :(
Even if it's raining, I have to go, also need to buy more packaging stuff ("kleine Pakettaschen") etc. while I'm at it for selling / sending more stuff x___X

No, but everybody tells me to do all the things ASAP!
Time's running out already now and it's only a bit more than 8 weeks until everything should be set and done!!!! That's not much.

Highest priority is finding a job, because what does it help me if I have all the things set and done, but don't have a job, right?

Like I said, tomorrow I'm already busy. I came back home from work today, drank coffee and then handled the sales until now (midnight).
And next week I'll be busy at work again :(
So many things going on there as December has always been the busiest month anyways.

And I haven't even started to plan my winter vacation!!!! Not even sure if I can get any hotel rooms anymore ... moooo~ so late already T____T

What do I need to do now?
Yes, autumn colors.
Yes, backpack.
Yes, apply for jobs.
Yes, plan winter vacation and reserve hotels ASAP.

*sigh*

[asahifirsa.livejournal.com]

Well, that's still a lot less than in your last post. Seems manageable :) If you need help with hotels, let me know I can help you look. Obviously I have too much free time. N1 tomorrow? What's that? I think I'll sleep in :)

[chochajin.livejournal.com]

Doesn't seem manageable to me, but I have no other choice, but to try at least.
Collecting some information for my winter vacation right now before I fall completely asleep.
Not a single minute of rest so far. Wanna watch a drama or so before going to bed! x___X; ....

Cannot possibly write applications, letters of rec or whatever when half-asleep anyways.

Oh, you're taking it tomorrow .. uh .. today?! (;P ...)
Good luck!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ^-^

[asahifirsa.livejournal.com]

Well I paid for it, but I'm not sure I'll go. I haven't learned anything for it AT ALL. I'd do it for the experience to see what the difference is compared to 1-kyuu but I need to be there at 9:00, on a SUNDAY. I'll see how I feel about it in the morning.

[chochajin.livejournal.com]

Well, what???!! You already paid for it, don't be lazy and GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!
It'll be a great experience ... or you'll be shocked. *g*
Either way you should GO!!!!!!!! ;P

[asahifirsa.livejournal.com]

Well, I'll make you a deal: You stress yourself less and I go. If you're really good about it I'll try to pass as well (no chance in hell but I'll try) :D

[chochajin.livejournal.com]

I'll try, I promise!
So you go and try, too!!!!! :)

[asahifirsa.livejournal.com]

Okay :D I'll let you know how it went on twitter tomorrow :)

[chochajin.livejournal.com]

Braves Mädchen ;P