[Japan Life]: Afraid of change, anyone?!

[chochajin]

Hello.

It's past midnight and I should probably go to bed rather than write this entry now, but whatever.
I'm still really worried and think way too much - despite being ridiculously busy.
Why is it that December is always the most stressful and busiest month ever since I came to Japan?

I've been packing up quite some things today and sorted out what I want to keep (and send back home) and what I want to get rid of (and sale).
This might seem quite sudden, but if you think about it, I have less than 3 months if I really do it!
And sending home things + selling stuff I don't need is not wrong no matter what I decide to do in the end.

Thus and first of all, please check out the SALES ENTRIES!!!

As I'll be moving soon I need money like WOAH and I also need to get rid of all these things (although it breaks my heart having to sell them for so cheap), so definitely have a look at all of it and buy something if you like it!!!
You'll help me a lot and yourself, too! I doubt you'll find things for so cheap any time soon!!!

Back to the actual topic.
I had a really long talk with one of my coworkers after work this week.
I'm really glad he listened to my worries.
He asked me what I really want to do, but I just don't know that's WHY I'M HAVING ALL THESE WORRIES IN THE FIRST PLACE!!!! (-__-)

He suggested going back home would probably be the best option, but as I can't see myself back home just yet, that's not an option for NOW.

So, it's really just about staying here or challenging myself and trying to move to a big city.

In the end, he insisted that moving would be the best choice for me, emphasizing that as a coworker he'd love to keep me here as it makes life easier for him, too, but as a friend he'd really suggest that I move somewhere else.
It's good to have people around you that can be honest like that!


I will go for it! I will finish my contract and not renew!
That means I'm done in less than 3 months! HOMG!! I'm still completely freaking out about that short amount of time I have to do all the things that need to be done now.

Find a job, an apartment, move my stuff etc.!!!!

And I'm really anxious ... not excited, just super afraid and thus stressed out.
That's not how things should be, right?
Usually when you do the "right" thing you feel good about it, am I wrong?!

I don't know why. Maybe I'm just too worried to leave my comfort zone this time.
I wasn't the least bit afraid when going to Japan 4 years ago. I was all hyper and excited - that's HOW it should be.

Then again, no matter what options I go through mentally, none of them makes me excited at all.
The thought of staying here makes me feel relieved, though. That's because it's my comfort zone, I guess.


Let's look at the pros and cons of both options

Staying here in my little inaka:

• (-) nothing will change (I'm not moving forward at all, no new experiences, no new people)


• (+) have enough free time to travel, work on my blog, relax


• (+) save a lot of money (low rent, high salary)


• (+) super short way to work (5 min.!) = saving time and money like woah!


• (+) know where everything is and how things work here (esp. doctor as I have to go every 3 months ..)


• (+) feeling safe as I know exactly what will happen and what not


• (+) I can go everywhere by bicycle


• (-) I'm always far away when it's about meeting friends or going to concerts or other events

Moving to a bigger city / changing jobs:

• (-) starting from zero again


• (-) having MUCH less time again (have to give up on my blog and not much traveling anymore = although those are the things I enjoy the most!! :( ...)


• (-) possibly a long way to work every day (leaving me with no free time at all!)


• (-) not able to save much money anymore (lower salary, much higher rent and cost of living, commuting to work etc.)


• (-) I probably need to take the train no matter where I want to go = expensive


• (-) loud environment / loud apartment (= I cannot sleep and am always stressed)


• (-) risk of getting a job that will screw me / coworkers that suck or bully me (= more stress)


• (+) option of taking taiko lessons and other interesting things ((-) although I probably won't have the time when working full-time again and having to commute ... also, if the lessons are during the week in the evening, I cannot go anyways because of work ..)


• (+) being closer to a big city = more events / people to meet (= even less money)

GAH!!!
I have one more day until I need to talk to my boss. I don't want to think about it really ...
Losing the things I enjoy the most in exchange for other things that I care about, but not as much .... I'm really not sure.
Why can't I figure out what it is that I want?!
So annoying

[/rant]


Writing applications from tomorrow on.
Time's working against me already.
And if I finish my job, I'll also lose my apartment as it belongs to the company.
Worst case scenario I'll be without a job and a place to stay. Uh ...

On top of that I'm so stressed.
Selling things, writing applications, busiest time at work, planning my winter vacation, blogging ETC. ... just TOO MUCH!!!!


Qué sera ... or so -_-;

Comments

[mit-souko.livejournal.com]

I think you risk shooting yourself in the foot if you have a defeatist attitude.

Why assume your lodgings will be in a loud place? It might be nice and peaceful. There are plenty of quiet places in large cities too. Yes, maybe it will be a longer commute, but not necessarily so long it eats too much into your free time. One can use a commute to read. And you may still be able to use your bike to go to work. I would also think you can bike around, I see people doing it all the time in Tokyo or Kyoto and other cities.

Yes, there is an inherent risk with any new job. You were more full of anticipation when you moved to Japan, so you seem to have overlooked the risks more easily then. But it is not necessarily going to be bad, and it will not be for the rest of your life.

Do focus more on the positive! Have a half full glass attitude rather than a half empty one! One need not be a silly optimist, but thinking that things will probably turn out ok is more likely to produce that result, trust me! Being excessively timorous induces paralysis.

[baka-tenshi.livejournal.com]

i feel that if you really like where you live, you should be able to stay despite the few cons you thought of. however, moving is always going to be stressful. ;~; i hope you can figure something out!

argh omg. i wish i could buy things from you. T____T there's so many things i want!

[amvn.livejournal.com]

Oh looks like you have some really hard decisions ahead of you :/ have you found any job offers yet? Anyway, you should be quite interesting for employers considering your experience in Japan, proficiency in English, Japanese and German and the pure fact that you work really hard. I still hope if you get a job it'll be one that allows you to enjoy other things than just work 24/7. There are definitely pros and cons with both alternatives; staying safe financially and at work is very important, yet I'm a big believer in taking chances, especially if you feel like you're getting nowhere where you are now. I get the feeling you want something more from your stay in Japan other than what you've been doing now, before going back to Germany. In that case taking this chance seems fair to me, but I don't necessarily know if I'm right here (I have after all stayed all my life so far in the one and same place, and I've always yearned for change myself). Anyway you should try to stay positive, it'll make everything much easier :) I really wish I could help you more though.

[asahifirsa.livejournal.com]

You're really quite negative... you list remote possibilities as negatives! You could end up in a wonderful quiet apartment in walking distance to your new school with wonderful co-workers as well. It's probably going to be a mixture of both good and bad probably though :)

I thought you're also having problems with your apartment right now with it being really small and noisy neighbors and no pets allowed?

Sure it's stressful to move and change and of course you'll spent more money living close to bigger cities simply because there's so much more to do and spend money on! But you'll also have less free time working full time so less time to spend money :) It all evens out.

And about not being able to write your blog, why not? You managed fine with LJ even when you were still working full time. It's not like you have to post every day.

Try to be a bit more positive and anticipation will come :)

There are not many people who like working with little ones and have experience. I'm pretty sure you'll get tons of offers. And don't be afraid to apply to interesting jobs where they want a "native" speaker. If everything else fits they might take you after all. It's rare to have applications where everything fits :)

You and me both!

[kevinsensei.livejournal.com]

If I stay in Japan (I'm back to 50/50 -_-), I'll need to find a new job and move too. (I'm currently living in teacher's housing.)

So yeah, I'm currently writing applications too just in case I decide to stay. There are no jobs around here unfortunately, so the move will be somewhere a bit far away - probably somewhere around Tokyo as I have some friends there and am familiar with the area.

Anyway, I don't really have much advice to offer except that it looks like you've done your homework on this. From what I've read, moving to another place in Japan seems like the best choice for you. It is much less secure than staying where you are now, but as you pointed out you won't be moving forward at all - and I feel it is time for you to move forward. :)

一緒にがんばろうね！ p(^o^)q

[jimjamjenny.livejournal.com]

Stop being so negative!

I live in a city, and of the negatives that you listed, NONE of them are true for me. It takes me about half an hour to get to work, and would be much shorter if I used a bike for the walking part.

I have LOADS of free time - probably more than you have now.

I can save at least 50,000 yen a month, which is a decent amount (sometimes I can save up to 100,000)

I live within cycling distance of the city centre so I can go there without taking the train, but even if I do take it, it takes either 200 yen to get to Hakata or 250 yen to get to Tenjin - hardly breaking the bank.

I live in a very quiet environment, my neighbours are hardly ever loud.

My coworkers are all lovely and my job, although I'm not entirely satisfied with it, is generally good.

Plus, there are lots of other positive things to living in a city:

Transportation - It's SO easy to get anywhere. First of all, most big cities in Japan have an airport, so travelling by plane is really easy when you have to do it (I live 15 minutes away by train from the airport!). Then, there are really good train services to most places, and if you were going to live in somewhere like Osaka or Kobe then you have really easy access to the Shinkansen.

Shopping - Any German food that you miss? It'll probably be MUCH easier to track down in a city than in the countryside. There are huge bookshops if you like reading (one of the ones I go to regularly has a collection of German books, as well as a big collection of English ones)

As a foreigner, you're much less likely to get stared at in cities - generally people don't notice you!

Range of jobs - there are way more opportunities in the city than there are in the country.

I could go on, but I'm not going to.

...I also have a tendency to think negatively about stuff. I think what you have to remember is that you're obviously not happy where you are now. Otherwise you wouldn't be thinking about moving in the first place. Even if you do move, and you're not happy, you can always move again! This is where not having a boyfriend/husband/children really helps, as you're not tied down at all.

I'm not really looking forward to moving to Tokyo next year at all, because I LOVE it here, and even the thought of packing and arranging stuff for the move really stresses me out. But when I think about it, there are loads of positive things about moving as well.

I think a lot of the problem is that you just don't know how things are going to work out - you could end up really happy, or you could end up regretting leaving. It's impossible to tell how it'll work out. But you really don't seem to be that happy where you are now, so I think it's probably worth taking the risk?

[moldypotatochip.livejournal.com]

Yeah, it's true that living in a city is more expensive and you will have a longer work commute. BUT there are a lot more things to do and see, and you'll be able to make friends. Heck I started dating someone a matter of weeks after I moved here and that was something that took ages in inaka... there are more options for everything in the city. And I understand your fears but you have also stated you want to start moving in a new direction and maybe moving to a new city will help you find a new dream :)

[weifrannie.livejournal.com]

Be positive! Cross the bridge when you get there. =)

At least you're decided now that you're moving to a new place. That's a good start.

http://www.careercross.com/en/ I hope this will help you in your job search.

Good luck.

[celestica.livejournal.com]

You worry too much XD you should have someone to be there when you worry too much but everyone is different you know? So I won't nag you for being so negative cos I figure thats the part of you that is safe where you are currently telling you, your mind, that you'd stay etc. Don't listen, or at least try.

Ok continue to be negative but positive. Think but continue to do what you decided XD; I know it sounds confusing. But I guess its hard for you to be positive so rather try to be positive, be both. Might or might not work <3

*hugs Good luck :)

[vixenofflames.livejournal.com]

I agree with the first commenter - staying positive is much better. Starting from scratch shouldn't be an inherent negative - when you moved to Japan you were starting from scratch and you were really excited! There are always reservations when taking a scary risk and not having everything planned out, but you won't grow if you don't take risks. You'll just continue to stagnate. You'll be safe and comfortable, but you've been unhappy with your life for at least the last year, and you don't want to continue that.

I think you're making the right decision :)