Hello!~

I'm crawling out of what I call my "study bubble". Although I don't really want to. I really have to force me to have some breaks! (Have a break, have a kit-kat XD - just that I don't have any weird-flavored kit-kats at home right now ... I think I'm blabbering strange stuff, just ignore! XD)
I shouldn't use the break to update my LJ, but to do some sport and/or go outside, BUT .... I need to and want to keep you guys updated and I really NEED YOU today (you'll see what I mean later on).
Anyways my studies are progressing smoothly (^-^')b

First of all, I want to thank everybody who took part in the poll about my journal.
Over 100 awesome people took part in it!!! Thank you soooo~ much!!! It was really interesting for me :D
I won't close it, but I'm pretty sure that the overall results won't change anymore. They're pretty clear:

Why do you read my journal? What are you interested in? (Note: you can pick more than one)



I'm not really surprised. Apart from Poupéegirl that's pretty much the order I post about things anyways ;P
My journal used to be mainly a graphic journal a long time ago and at that time I was quite active in all sorts of communities. So even before I went to Japan I already had tons of people who had added this journal for graphics and other things. I guess some of them stayed until today *g*

It was also interesting to see that the majority of my readers is younger than me (but I expected that much). Most people are 20-25 years old. But to be honest I don't feel as old as I am, so who cares?
I was also surprised to see that there are a LOT of German speaking people on my f-list. Makes me happy! (^-^) But don't worry I'll keep writing in English ;P
Also, I'm sorry that I couldn't list enough languages. A lot of people had to vote for "something else" for native language. What's your native language then? Care to share?

Anyways, some people said it's my journal so I should decide. Don't worry, that's what I still intend to do! XD
A lot of you said they don't wanna see Poupéegirl stuff anymore, but as you can see in this entry, I don't care, ahem~ As long as I'm into it I'll keep posting about it, but I think as long as it's like in this entry (just a small part) then it should be okay

The main reason why I did the poll was to get an overview of what people expect from this journal.
Apart from my travel entries I'm sometimes not sure what I SHOULD write about. To be honest there's so much I want to write about, but I simply don't have the time to do so - and once I have some time, I've forgotten half of it again (;o;) .....
Anyways, out of all the things I want to write about, I can only write about a small selection of it. Why not write about the things that YOU are interested in most???

The poll gave me a general overview, now I want to hear from you guys more details! Please don't hold back. Just write away what EXACTLY you'd be interested in!!! Anything is fine, of course :)
To help you guys out a bit, I copied a few 30 days memes that are going around right now. One of them is a Japan meme that hinoai created together with her f-list. If you know about any other memes, feel free to post them here or use some of the questions here as proposal :D
Using these memes as a basis, I thought I could create something similar with YOUR help so that in the end we have something that you'd love to read about (and I'd love to write about).
I might have to split it up because some things I might not be able to post in a public entry, so I have to divide the too private topics/questions from the more general ones.
Anyways, just post away, k?~ (You can pick questions that you'd like me to answer out of the following memes or just create your own questions - also you can describe them in detail~)

Here are the different memes:

Japan meme (credit: hinoai and friends ;P)

Day 01 - A picture of you "in Japan". (doing or wearing something "Japanese")
Day 02 - Describe your neighborhood in Japan.
Day 03 - Most interesting person you met.
Day 04 - What's your favorite place that's not in any of the guidebooks/lists of places to visit?
Day 05 - Which, if any, Japanese mannerisms or expressions have you adopted?
Day 06 - Food that you swore you would never eat but now love (or tolerate).
Day 07 - Which Japanese words do you use in English? (hanami, shinkansen, etc.)
Day 08 - Are you a Herbivore or Carnivore? S or M?
Day 09 - Favorite stores/shopping centers.
Day 10 - Something about Japan that sets it apart from anywhere else.
Day 11 - What did you find most overrated and underrated about Japan?
Day 12 - Describe a fail!gaijin moment. (Where you did something wrong or completely misunderstood because you couldn't ~read the air~ or just plain had no idea what you were supposed to do because you weren't born and raised here) Describe a gaijin!smash moment .(Where your foreignness was to your benefit)
Day 13 - -Something about Japan that sets it apart from anywhere else.
Day 14 - What is the hardest thing about living in Japan versus your home country?
Day 15 - Weirdest food item you've seen, and weirdest food item you've actually eaten.
Day 16 - How you realised you'd acclimated to Japan. (if you have)
Day 17 - Your karaoke top 5, your sushi top 5, your conbini top 5.
Day 18 - Post some amusing/cute/faily purikura.
Day 19 - Your favorite Japanese character(s) and Gachapon/UFO Catcher toys
Day 20 - Favorite Japanese festival or folklore.
Day 21 - Favorite and least favorite Japanese fashion trends.
Day 22 - Your favorite Japanese saying or kotowaza (proverb).
Day 23 - What is something you have/do in Japan that you wish you had/could do in your home country?
Day 24 - Your favorite Japanese slang or borrow-word (外来語), e.g. セフレ "sex friend"
Day 25 - Most interesting vending machine find.
Day 26 - What's your favorite/least favorite train line.
Day 27 - Place you avoid going to if at all possible.
Day 28 - A picture of you looking like a weaboo/A picture of you trying to blend in and failing.
Day 29 - What's the thing you [will] miss most about Japan when you leave (either on vacation, or move away)?
Day 30 - Did Japan meet your expectations, both good and bad? What has been the most surprising thing about Japan for you, or the thing you least expected?


30 days meme:

Day 01 – Introduce yourself
Day 02 – Your first love, in great detail
Day 03 – Your parents, in great detail
Day 04 – What you ate today, in great detail
Day 05 – Your definition of love, in great detail
Day 06 – Your day, in great detail
Day 07 – Your best friend, in great detail
Day 08 – A moment, in great detail
Day 09 – Your beliefs, in great detail
Day 10 – What you wore today, in great detail
Day 11 – Your siblings, in great detail
Day 12 – What’s in your bag, in great detail
Day 13 – This week, in great detail
Day 14 – What you wore today, in great detail
Day 15 – Your dreams, in great detail
Day 16 – Your first kiss, in great detail
Day 17 – Your favorite memory, in great detail
Day 18 – Your favorite birthday, in great detail
Day 19 – Something you regret, in great detail
Day 20 – This month, in great detail
Day 21 – Another moment, in great detail
Day 22 – Something that upsets you, in great detail
Day 23 – Something that makes you feel better, in great detail
Day 24 – Something that makes you cry, in great detail
Day 25 – A first, in great detail
Day 26 – Your fears, in great detail
Day 27 – Your favorite place, in great detail
Day 28 – Something that you miss, in great detail
Day 29 – Your aspirations, in great detail
Day 30 – One last moment, in great detail


Another 30 days meme:

Day 01- A recent picture of you
Day 02- The meaning behind your LiveJournal name.
Day 03- A picture of you and your friends.
Day 04- A habit that you wish you didn’t have.
Day 05- A picture of somewhere you've been to.
Day 06- Favorite super hero and why.
Day 07- A picture of someone/something that has the biggest impact on you.
Day 08- Short term goals for this month and why.
Day 09- Something you’re proud of in the past few days.
Day 10- Songs you listen to when you are Happy, Sad, Bored, Hyped, Mad.
Day 11- Another picture of you and your friends.
Day 12- How you found out about LJ and why you made one.
Day 13- A letter to someone who has hurt you recently.
Day 14- A picture of you and your family.
Day 15- Put your iPod on shuffle: First 10 songs that play.
Day 16- Another picture of yourself.
Day 17- Someone you would want to switch lives with for one day and why.
Day 18- Plans/dreams/goals you have.
Day 19- Nicknames you have; why do you have them.
Day 20- Someone you see yourself marrying/ being with in the future.
Day 21- A picture of something that makes you happy.
Day 22- What makes you different from everyone else.
Day 23- Something you crave for a lot.
Day 24- A letter to your parents.
Day 25- What I would find in your bag.
Day 26- What you think about your friends.
Day 27- Why are you doing this 30 day challenge.
Day 28- A picture of you last year and now, how have you changed since then?
Day 29- In this past month, what have you learned.
Day 30- Who are you?

I personally think the "picture of you ...." are not really something that is very interesting, plus that's what would be f-locked anyways.
There are some things I'm not sure I'm ready to talk about yet, but we'll see about that later on. So really, just post away!~


Okay, anyways, let's get started with today's actual entry (o_o'') ....



That's pretty much my life lately and I enjoy studying again!
I can't understand what I did the last few months. I wasted too much time with ... WHAT???!!!!
Well, there were work issues, right, then I was sick for a long time, then the laptop issues etc. .... there WERE reasons, but still :/
Breaks like that really kill my progress!! I could take N1 by now if I didn't take any breaks!!! But then again, you just need breaks at times anyways - and sometimes breaks are a good thing!



I keep stumbling over study books in my small apartment XD
I even stopped reading mangas right now and concentrate on "Reading real Japanese". I remember it was too difficult for me a while ago. Now it's okay. It depends on the author in there. Some are easy to read, others are more difficult, but I use it mainly to get out words, grammar etc. that I don't know yet :)

Not so good news are that something is wrong with me lately and I have no idea WHAT!!!
It's difficult to actually write about it because I'm not sure if I can describe it so that you can understand it (I'm not sure if I even understand it myself ... *sigh*).
Today I'm perfectly fine for some reason ..... which means that it's probably not the best idea to write about it NOW because it will be even more difficult to describe the situation.

I wouldn't really say that I'm depressed or emo, but something is going on and it's just sooooooo not like me!!!!
I'm never depressed or emo!! NEVER!!!!
Lately I've been feeling kind of unhappy or rather dissatisfied. I'm not sure if those are the correct words, but maybe you get it.
I keep asking myself WHY and how to get OUT of it. I can't figure it out.

Work is becoming more and more repetitive and dull. I still like it, but it's still true.
I have NO social contacts at all other than at work. NONE! ZERO! NADA!!!!!!!
Furthermore one of my best friends back home hasn't contacted me in over half a year - ever since she came visiting me in Japan. I sent her hundreds of e-mails.
It seems that she was unhappy with the little fights all we girls (we were 5 girls) had during that short time in Japan and stuff :(
When she finally answered she said that I've changed a lot since I went to Japan and became very egocentric :(

And I apologized and tried to talk about it, but she lives in Germany, I'm in Japan. It's not like I can just go to her apartment and talk directly to her.
My other friends keep answering to my e-mails less and less, too. I know they're all busy, too. Most of them finished university and are busy with their (new) jobs and all.
But it makes me sad and I'm also kind of in panic that when I go back home to Germany I won't have any friends anymore or rather that my old friends have become strangers

The thing is I've always been a person who can live alone without many social contacts. I'm not a freak or anything. I love being around people otherwise I wouldn't enjoy being a teacher!! But having a job like that you're also thankful when you can spend some time by yourself, alone. I need that. It's always been like that.

But maybe lately it's too much "me alone"? I'm not sure.
I don't have ANY friends here. Well, I do, but they all live in Tokyo or somewhere far away, so that doesn't count.
I do something with my coworkers from time to time, but they're busy, too, just like me - and it's just not the same as hanging out with friends.

On the other hand, I don't have time for anything!!!
Especially now that I'm back into studying like crazy my life consists pretty much of work and study.
If I have to do anything beyond that I get angry and annoyed because it srews up my schedule.

People who read my journal regularly know that I've been ranting about not having enough time in general and to do all the things I want in particular.
I should join some kind of community center / club activity such as jazz dance, calligraphy or whatever.
The thing is that I live in a REALLY rural and small town and am limited because of my work schedule (2pm-10pm, Saturday work) and the fact that I don't have a car (only an old bicycle!!) - and that I don't have time!! Maybe that would screw me up even more!~

I'm not sure if THAT'S what's bothering me. I don't think I'm homesick. It feels different.
Maybe it's something completely else.
Maybe it's because I don't haver any dreams (anymore). I never really had. The only thing I always REALLY wanted was to go to Japan and stay there for some time. I had to wait a long time (maybe since 1998 until 2008!) until I finally could reach that goal.
Then I just enjoyed my new life, living my dream.
Then, after pretty much 2 years of doing so and after my brother came visiting me (I don't think that was the trigger, though) I started thinking about my future A LOT! (see this older entry where I was ranting about my future - is now f-locked, sorry!)
Maybe, now that I don't have any REAL goals or dreams anymore, I'm just living my life, pretty much alone right now.
I still do have a goal: becoming fluent in Japanese (but I'm aware of the fact that I might not be able to ever use it for anything else but my hobby).

I know that some people might think now: "Shut up stupid bitch! You live in Japan!! You live your dream! You do what so many of us want to do!!!"
I'm aware of that! I KNOW THAT!!! And I'm thankful that I got this opportunity, but the truth is that something is wrong with me right now. I'm not blaming Japan or anything. I don't wanna whine.
All I want is to FIND OUT WHAT'S WRONG WITH ME BEFORE IT GETS WORSE OR WILL BECOME A REAL PROBLEM!!! *sigh*
I don't understand myself lately :(

How am I supposed to find out what's wrong? :( ....


Okay .... enough of that emo crap.
Let's wash it away with rainbow colors (*__*)



I bought this magazine a while ago .... basically only because I was REALLY curious XD Although I have some Rillakuma things, I'm not really a fan ;)
It's the 7th anniversary so the mag came with a bag and a rainbow Rillakuma :3



The magazine was kind of interesting. It's amazing how much merchandising there is by now!! *giggles*

A few days ago 2 old ladies rang my door bell. They gave me the formular stuff to fill out for the citizen counting that is going on right now.
So annoying. I don't have time and I don't wanna fill it out :( Meeeh. But oh well, no choice *sigh*
I didn't look at it yet, so there might be things I don't understand, so I guess I should take the whole thing to work with me XD



This was in a newspaper. It's an advertisement for ........................ some kind of insurance!!!
Can you believe it??? But that's Japan XDDDDDD Can you imagine that a serious insurance company would advertise their service like this in any other country? XD
But it's cute!!! :3



So ... and especially the people on my f-list who also live in Japan might wanna kill me now! (o_o'')
This was also in the newspaper. The rent for apartments here is SO CHEAP!!!!
Even the 3LDK are affordable. I'd love to move into those and get a cat!!! ;____; ... *sigh*
But as I don't know how much longer I'll stay here (with here I don't necessarily mean Japan, but this rural area) it'd be stupid to move NOW!!! *sigh*


Poupéegirl:
... has an awesome event right now: School uniform!!!! Yay!!!~ I suddenly feel so young again XD I really enjoy this event! :D



(*click to enlarge)



Okay, do you notice anything .... special???? No? ... Then look at the blackboard. Naaahh???
Still not?? .... Okay, okay, I'll tell you! I edited it and it says "chochajin + Ikuta Toma" XDDDDDDDDDD ... (o_O'') .... Huhuhuu~



And ... talking about school uniforms ... I just couldn't resist and had to cosplay .... not a really good cosplay but I hope you still get it??? ;______; ...... (highlight for solution: Sailor Moon!!!)


Some final notes:
涼む (suzumu): to cool oneself; to cool off; to enjoy evening cool
Perfect word of the day!!! It's FINALLY getting cooler in Japan!!! Something I thought would never happen!! And although it's still around 28°C during the day and 19°C at night it feels EXTREMELY cold to all of us as the summer this year was soooo long and so extremely hot. Now we all fear that we might have an extremely cold winter. Please NO!!! My air conditioner needs a break!!! (x___X) (note: air conditioners in Japan also work as heater in winter)
食欲の秋 (shokuyoku no aki): appetite in autumn
In Japan, people say that the appetite comes back in autumn because the weather gets cooler and you naturally want to eat more again. This year it definitely is true for me. I've been eating like crazy (but that also might have to do with me feeling so strange lately ...)

I keep having problems with Photobucket. Like a whole bunch of the pictures I upload won't be uploaded and I get an error message. I have no idea WHY!! Once I rename them it often works. Anybody else has similar problems and knows WHY this is happening?

And for your amusement (I already posted it a while ago on Twitter):
English Teachers - Season 1 - Episode 1: "First Days suck"



(*click to watch the episode)
Yeah, that's my job! XD
No, .. not really. And it's again the perspective of a man :(


Food:
Only one photo today, sorry.
I bought and ate this quite a while ago. It was okay, definitely not something I need to eat again:



But I guess you KNOW why I had to buy it?? ;P

Alright, that's all for today. Quite a long entry. Sorry about that. Thanks for sticking around and reading my journal!! You're awesome!! :3

P.S.: I still haven't finished answering to your comments in the "poll entry". I also won't answer to screened comments, hope you understand :D It's too much of a hassle to screen them again and I'm not sure how safe it is after commenting to them etc. ....