HELLO!!!!!!

Yes, I'm still alive and I'm finally back!!! Sorry for the long hiatus, but as most of you know I had lots of things to do these past few weeks.
NOW I'm finally FREEEEEE!!!! :D
Time to be happy right? NO!!!!!!

People who follow my Twitter probably already know this, but today the JLPT (Japanese Language Proficiency Test) was held all over the world (and in some places it's not yet time - stupid time difference XD)
I've never taken the test before. Basically because the lower levels (previously 4kyuu, 3kyuu now N5, N4, N3) don't get you anywhere, but the higher levels (previously 2kyuu, 1kyuu now N2, N1) are considered as "business level Japanese" and can open you doors jobwise and stuff.
They changed the whole testing system for the first time this year, so all old study material and all knowledge from old tests won't help as much anymore.
Although I already passed the second highest level in mock tests over a year ago, I still haven't taken it until today.
Why? Because it's expensive and so I wanted to make sure that I would be able to pass it.

I missed the application deadline for the July test (also something new, only in Japan you can take the test twice a year now - previously you only could take it in December) and that's why I took it today instead.
I've already started preparing for N1 (the highest level and my ultimate goal) anyways.

I took this test because I was pretty sure that I could pass it.
Why I was sure? Well, I took tons of mock tests that introduced the new testing style and typical questions and all. (I also took the real N2 from July!)
My overall average was 81%.
For N2 there are 3 sections: (my average mock test percentage)
Vocabulary/Kanji (~82%)
Reading (~66%)
Listening (~92%)

As you can see Reading is my weakest section, so I worked especially on that one in the last few weeks.

The reason why I wanted to make sure that I can pass the test is that it costs ME quite a lot of money and time (and nerves).
The test fee itself is only around 50$ (5000yen), but the next testing location is quite far away so all in all for 10+h of travelling fees and a hotel for the night I had to pay around 200$ (20.000yen). This is completely CRAZY!!!
But as I live in nowhereland there was no other way! :/

And what's more is that right on Friday I got SICK!!! Hurray, go me!!!!
I haven't been sick ever since that long and strange stuff in July when I had fever and was sick one whole month!!! Everybody around me (= all my coworkers and students) have been sick lately it was a wonder that I was able to stay healthy for so long, but oohhh what a bad timing :(
I felt like crap, went to work on Saturday and after 8 long hours got my ass into one train after another (4,5h of train rides). At night I finally arrived at my hotel and wanted to sleep, but as I was such a cheepstake I got the cheapest roomtype which was right next to the elevator. It was so loud that I couldn't sleep well. Of course my cold did the rest :/

Anyways, as I still had some time in the morning I decided to do some sightseeing around the hotel to calm my nervous self down a bit.
Here are some photos I took:



Super nice weather today and there are still some autumn leaves on the trees, yay ^-^



And they shine nicely in the sun (*__*)



Color variation (*_*)



Just thought that was REALLY cute!!! I guess with that the kids are not afraid of the dentist? XD



Can you believe it's already December when you see these photos?? ^^;

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The fresh air was nice and the temperature perfect for walking around a bit :)



Even ugly buildings can look nice with some color ;P





There was a temple close to my hotel.



And I had it all for myself (*_*)



Quiet. Good for calming me down :D





I'm glad that I got some nice photos at least!!! 10+h in a train must be worth something, right? ^^; .... *sigh*





That was a bad omen already. People who follow my journal since before I came back to Japan know that I once really hated those red gates XDD





Right behind the temple there was also a small shrine :D





And then I was on my way back to the hotel to get my stuff and ...

...it was about time to get ready and go to the bus stop. Yeah more public transportation!! As if 10h were not enough yet -__-;
And what happened then, I didn't expect!!!
Millions of people, extra buses had to come!!! I thought there might be some kind of festival until I realized that all those tons of Asian looking people were not Japanese. They all had the same goal: the JLPT testing location!
I never thought that SO MANY people would actually take the test!
Then I thought that maybe a lot of them are just trying the lower levels for fun or whatever - especially if they live close.
But in the end there were 2 floors with around 40+ classrooms filled with N2-test-takers ONLY1111!!!! Not sure, but I think there were way over 1000 taking the test!!! And that was only one tiny testing location out of MANY in Japan!!!! UWOAH!!!!!
The majority of them were Asian: Chinese, Korean, Taiwanese, Vietnamese etc.
Crazy, where did they all come from???

I tried to find a free spot (quite difficult!) and ate a little bit.
After a looooooooooooooooooooooong time of waiting we were finally allowed to go into our testing rooms.
I was in the very first row (x___X) Kowaiii!!!~

Well, to make a long story short:
The vocab/kanji section was okay. Some vocab I didn't know and that although I'm already way into N1 vocab, but oh well (guess that's what the new test style does - we can't expect the same vocab as for previous tests anymore)
I guess I did quite okay there (70-75%)
The listening was super easy as always and I'm confident that I have around 90% as always.
What killed me was the reading. Not only a little bit but completely!!! I'm not even sure what happened! I practiced so often. But at that point my concentration was gone. In a room with too many people it was getting too hot, my fever also got higher and I really needed to drink some water but we weren't allowed to. Furthermore we had quite some rule breakers in our room. One of them sat right next to me. They got the "yellow card". That also distracted me. I read the same sentence again and again and just couldn't focus anymore.
At some point I figured that I wouldn't be able to finish on time. Panic!!! And from then on all went KABOOM! I had to guess the last few answers as there was not time anymore.
Whatever. I KNOW that I have way below 50% in the reading section and with the new testing system being under 50% in ANY section will result in failing the WHOLE TEST (even if you have 100% in the other sections!!)

It's not a "uhm I think I messed up a bit there" thing, it's I ALREADY KNOW I FAILED!!
99,9% that is. With the new system the score for each question is not set yet and depends on how well everybody did! So I still have a 1% chance that all the other test takers sucked just as much as me which gives me a chance of passing it. Hahahaha [insert desperate laughing here]


I'm trying not to think about all the money, time and nerves I've invested in this test. And all in vain :(
I know I can do much better than this!
And without wanting to sound arrogant (can s.b. who failed N2 really sound arrogant anyways?) I KNOW that right now I could pass vocab/kanji and listening of N1 without any problem and if I study the grammar, then that one, too.
But I probably would even fail N3 reading in a real test situation again.
I'm soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo angry at myself!!! I did so much better in my mock tests ;o;

Why did this happen???? *cries*


Oh well. After another 4.5h of train rides and all. I finally came back home.
It was a crazy weekend:
Friday - got sick
Saturday - 8h at work / 4.5h in trains / no sleep in loud hotel
Sunday - 30min bus / trampled by 1045234 of people / 4h of test taking / 30min. bus with too many people / 4.5h of train (with too many people in it at first) / 30 min. bike / supermarket / my apt. shower / typing this

I will drop dead into my bed as soon as I hit the "send button" here (x___X)
And the worst? I think NONE of the 2342352342345 test takers had such a long way!!! I was the only one in the hotel, too! I was the only one with a huge bag! All of them got of at the next big train station stop whereas I had another 4h of train rides ahead of me :(

I'm not going to take the test again. Not N2.
And I'm too scared of trying N1 anytime soon. Probably not in Japan anyways. I just hope it's not as crowded in Germany.

Everybody, please let me hear about your JLPT experience? Not only today's but in general!
How many people were there? Did you have any rule breakers?
Congratulations to all of you who passed 2kyuu or 1kyuu. You are awesome! (If we use the old grading system then I would have passed, too, though ;o; ....?!)

The funniest thing ever was that quite a lot of the people taking N2 in my room didn't seem to understand what the examiner said to them XD
Also, I was pretty much the only one who could speak fluently with one of the bus drivers.
Well, but who cares. I suck when it's actually really important. I deserve to have failed the test - that's how much I suck, I guess :(

It was a life experience today. Definitely. Not a good one, though. But, yeah.

That's enough for today.
I should feel crappy but I feel refreshed at the moment. Probably because all the pressure is gone now :) And I'm finally free to do other things again. Feeling like an idiot to have sacrificed so much of my free time on Japanese studies in the last few years, though.

I went to Miyajima when the autumn colors were most beautiful a few weeks ago. Please look forward to some awesome photos which will be up soon.
Also, I still need to post the surprise I keep talking about so often XD
But, it's a busy week, so we'll see.

P.S.: Oh and I don't wanna hear any "OH, I'm sure you passed blah" comforting sentences, k? I tell you I really, really completely failed the reading so unless they change their grading system I have no chance :(
P.P.S.: Actually I wanted to treat myself and finally watch the new Harry Potter in cinema, but now I'm not sure if I really deserve this :/ ....

Beloved bed here I come